We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to commitment and intimacy.
In Step One we admitted we were powerless over our coupleship. Step Two involves coming to some mutual understanding of what we trust as a couple, and what we believe. We seek to blend our heritage and to find meaning as a couple. This is the beginning of a spiritual quest. One way we find helpful is to cut out of magazines sayings and pictures that make us think of our Higher Power. We make collages to have a visual picture of our Higher Power. In making collages we share a deep intimate look at our beliefs and feelings. As we share parts of ourselves, we may find a special connection. We find it helpful to frame and keep accessible these collages for our coupleship and to share with other couples. We are willing to accept our individual Higher Power and nurture our coupleship with a sense of hope and freedom.
We find writing Step Two a useful tool. We suggest you share one pencil and piece of paper as you do the step. The following is a list of questions you may wish to consider to assist in your journey of recovery.
We suggest you pause and read aloud the Safety Guidelines before moving forward:
1. What family-of-origin messages about religion or spirituality have you brought into the coupleship?
2. What kinds of instruction, modeling, teaching, etc. about religion or spirituality have you experienced?
3. What forms of spiritual guidance have you received from your parents?
4. Are there abuses or dysfunctional beliefs regarding couples you have learned from your religion?
5. Are there healthy and supportive beliefs you have learned from your church, synagogue or other spiritual path?
6. Are there spiritual abuses you have experienced? 7. Are there examples of one of your parents being the Higher Power in your family of origin?
8. Are there examples of clergy, or religious teachers being unkind, shaming, blaming or belittling?
9. Are you angry about religion, God, or your heritage?
10. What do you accept or reject of the spiritual beliefs of your partner?
11. Describe your vision of your Higher Power.
12. What would it be like to have a relationship with this Higher Power?
Many of us made our partners our Higher Powers. We focused on our partners and gave them the power to regulate our lives. In this situation many of us found it necessary to find a spiritual connection with a Higher Power, a center for our lives, rather than focusing on what others were doing. When we are spiritually centered, our partners actions do not bother us nearly as much as when we are not. Additionally, it may be helpful to remember HALT. When we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired we can lose touch with our spiritual centers. We need to return to our spiritual centers rather than fight with our partners.
Now that both partners have their own vision of Higher Power, we can seek those aspects of a Higher Power that are common to both. Those aspects we share in common become our couples Higher Power. Individuals within the coupleship may have a separate vision of a Higher Power, but many couples believe there should be a goal of a mutual Higher Power shared by both partners.
Step Two allows us to believe that a Higher Power can restore us to commitment and intimacy. Step Three gives us an opportunity to develop a relationship with our higher power.