We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to commitment and intimacy.
In Step One we admitted we were powerless over our relationship. Step Two involves coming to some mutual understanding of what we trust as a couple, and what we believe. This is the beginning of a
spiritual quest. We seek to blend our traditions and to find meaning as a couple. We do this by first identifying our individual beliefs about a Higher Power. Once both partners have their own vision of a Higher Power, we can seek those aspects that are common to both of us; these become our couple’s Higher Power. Individuals within the coupleship may each have a separate vision of a Higher Power, but many couples believe there should be a goal of a mutual Higher Power shared by both partners.
One approach we find helpful is to cut sayings and pictures out of magazines that make us think of our Higher Power. We make collages to have a visual picture of our Higher Power. In making collages we share a deep, intimate look at our beliefs and feelings. As we share parts of ourselves, we may find a special connection. We find it helpful to frame and keep these collages accessible for our coupleship
and to share them with other couples. We are willing to accept our Higher Power and nurture our relationship with a sense of hope and freedom.
We also find writing Step Two a useful tool. We suggest you share one pencil and piece of paper as you do the Step. The following is a list of questions you may wish to consider to assist in your journey
of recovery. We suggest that you pause and read aloud the Safety Guidelines before moving forward:
- What family-of-origin messages about religion or spirituality have you brought into the coupleship?
- What kinds of instruction, modeling, teaching, etc. about religion or spirituality have you experienced?
- What forms of spiritual guidance have you received from your parents?
- Are there abuses or dysfunctional beliefs regarding couples you have learned from your religion?
- Are there healthy and supportive beliefs you have learned from your church, synagogue, or other spiritual path?
- Are there spiritual abuses you have experienced?
- Are there examples of one of your parents being the Higher Power in your family of origin?
- Are there examples of clergy or religious teachers being unkind, shaming, blaming, or belittling?
- Are you angry about religion, God, or your heritage?
- What do you accept or reject of the spiritual beliefs of your partner?
- Describe your vision of your Higher Power.
- What would it be like to have a relationship with this Higher Power?
Many of us made our partner our Higher Power. We focused on our partner and gave our partner the power to regulate our lives. Because of this, we found it necessary to find a spiritual connection
with a Higher Power, a center for our lives, rather than focusing on what others were doing. When we are spiritually centered, our partner’s actions do not bother us nearly as much as when we are not.
Additionally, it may be helpful to remember to HALT. When we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired we can lose touch with our spiritual center. We need to return to our spiritual center rather than fight with our partner.
with a Higher Power, a center for our lives, rather than focusing on what others were doing. When we are spiritually centered, our partner’s actions do not bother us nearly as much as when we are not.
Additionally, it may be helpful to remember to HALT. When we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired we can lose touch with our spiritual center. We need to return to our spiritual center rather than fight with our partner.
Step Two allows us to believe that a Higher Power can restore us to commitment and intimacy. Step Three gives us an opportunity to develop a relationship with our Higher Power.