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Step 9

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We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

This is another action step and requires a willingness to confront our issues. In order to avoid unintended harm, you may wish to review your proposed amends with your sponsor couple. For example, parents or children might be harmed by learning of compulsive behaviors. This Step takes courage, good judgment, and a careful sense of timing.

Many of us begin our Ninth Step with our children. Depending on their maturity, we discuss our unhealthy behaviors only when it is clear they will not be harmed. We make further amends to our children by respecting them as individuals, by maintaining our own recovery, and by striving to be healthy and happy adults ourselves.

We caution you not to confuse apologies with amends. Sometimes apologies are called for, but apologies are not amends. Amends are made by repairing damage when possible, and then acting
differently. For example, we can apologize ten times for being late to a meeting, but this does not “amend” the issue. Being on time and changing our behavior becomes our amends.

As we repair the damage done to others, we are healing our own coupleship. We find satisfaction in knowing we are doing all we can to pay off emotional, material, moral, and spiritual debts.

In preparation for the actual making of the amends we suggest that you:

  1. Read the Safety Guidelines
  2. Devote time to prayer or meditation
  3. Think about what you want to say
  4. Be clear—possibly writing out your amends
  5. Create a comfortable, safe setting

In making the actual amends we suggest that you:

  1. Keep it simple
  2. Express a desire and/or ask permission:
  • “I (we) need to admit the harm I (we) have done and take responsibility for my (our) actions. I (we) would like to make amends to you. Are you willing to receive an amends?”

The form of our amends may be something like this:

  • I (We) want to make an amends about _______.
  • I (We) ask for your forgiveness.
  • I (We) plan to change my (our) behavior by _______.

In making amends, we also need to make amends to ourselves and our partner. How do we make amends to ourselves? We develop new attitudes that reflect a willingness to love and forgive ourselves. The format for making an individual or coupleship amends may be similar to other amends, but you may want to use this suggested format:

  • I want to make an amends to our coupleship about _______.
  • I would like you to forgive me for all the words that were said out of fear (thoughtlessness, inconsideration, anger, immaturity, self- righteousness, selfishness, etc.) and out of my own confusion.
  • I ask for your forgiveness.
  • I plan to change my behavior by _______.

As a result of doing our amends we are developing ourselves as persons within a healthy relationship. We ask our Higher Power for the courage and wisdom to face each new challenge in our coupleship. We take responsibility for our mistakes and learn from our experiences.

The final three Steps are about practicing what we learned in the first nine Steps.

Step 8

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We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step Eight is about those people—including ourselves—who have been harmed by our couple dysfunction, such as family members, children, friends, and co-workers. In this Step, we continue to take our coupleship inventory. This Step helps us to interact with other people in new ways. It calls for changes in our behavior.

In Step Eight we need to determine the harm that we have caused. What is the exact nature of this harm? It helps to categorize our wrongdoing into the following four groups:

Emotional Wrongs

  • Raging
  • Holding grudges
  • Withholding information
  • Giving our partner “the silent treatment”
  • Making shaming or blaming statements

Material Wrongs

  • Borrowing, spending, or withholding money selfishly
  • Cheating, or not abiding by terms of couple contracts
  • Disregarding others’ boundaries regarding personal things
  • Destroying or violating joint property

Moral Wrongs

  • Setting bad examples
  • Engaging in infidelity, broken promises, lying
  • Engaging in emotional, physical, sexual, or verbal abuse

Spiritual Wrongs

  • Neglecting obligations to ourselves, family, support group, or community
  • Avoiding self-development
  • Lacking gratitude
  • Neglecting our spiritual quest
  • Lacking humility
  • Being self-righteous
  • Preoccupying ourselves to the point of emotional unavailability

Now we suggest that you look at the facts and ask yourselves:

  1. What are your thoughts and feelings about the harm you have done?
  2. What are your fears about making amends?
  3. What causes your resistance to making amends?
  4. What consequences of your harmful behavior are you willing to accept?
  5. What are the ways you plan to make amends?

Now that you have a better idea how your coupleship dysfunction has affected yourselves and others, make a list of people you have harmed, including yourselves. Review your amends list with your sponsor couple. Now ask for guidance on how to make amends that will not hurt others. When direct amends are not appropriate or possible, we suggest you devise alternative amends, such as praying for the well-being of those people, being kind and responsible to your partner and others, doing community service, or donating to a charity.

We become willing to make amends to our partner, our-selves, and others by admitting the harm we have done. As we become willing to look at our own behavior, we tend to become more tolerant and
forgiving, less rigid and judgmental. Our viewpoints, attitudes, and beliefs will begin to change as a result of our participation in this process. Now we should be ready to move on to Step Nine.

Step 7

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We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

In Step Seven, we need to form a working partnership with our Higher Power. We seek humility. Humility is defined in many ways, including the ability to face reality; knowing there is a Higher Power, and we, or our partner, are not it; not thinking less of ourselves, but thinking about
ourselves less; being spiritually no better than, but no less than, anyone or any other couple. The real change happens as we let go of our false pride and work to change in partnership with our Higher Power.

We frequently ask our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings. We know we can’t change our old ways of doing things on our own, but in partnership with our Higher Power, we can. The more we work the RCA program, the more our shortcomings are relieved. Many of us found contracts to be a vital tool in overcoming these shortcomings by adding accountability (see contract information
in Appendix) . We learn to avoid being too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired (HALT), as these states seem to make our shortcomings worse. At the very least, we avoid making crucial decisions while experiencing these states.

A suggested Seventh Step Prayer (or meditation topic):
I want to be more sensitive to my partner,
as sensitivity to my partner opens awareness of my innermost self.
Higher Power, help me become more open and aware.
I need to see my own fear behind my shortcomings:
my tendency to be sarcastic and stubborn,
my tendency to blame and make my partner wrong,
my need to make my partner feel disrespected and “less than.”
Higher Power, help me find the courage to acknowledge my own shortcomings,
instead of focusing on those of my partner.
I promise to try to use the coupleship tools I have learned
to stop interrupting my partner,
to speak from “I” statements,
and to acknowledge the strengths my partner brings to our coupleship.
Higher Power, teach me humility and remove my character defects
so that I may love more sincerely and completely.
Amen.

Step 6

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We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character, communication and caring.

Step Six has a clear message—get ready for some changes! The first three Steps showed us we couldn’t change on our own, but that we could find the power needed to change. Then Step Four helped us
recognize our defects. Step Five allowed us to get rid of much of our shame. With Step Six we become willing to have our Higher Power remove these defects. We don’t have to let go of behaviors. We just
need willingness to allow our defects to be removed. The more we work the RCA program, the more willing we become.


Every recovering couple has dysfunctional patterns of behavior. These patterns typically occur at times of stress, over-extension, or depletion. Often these happen during an opportunity for intimacy. One or both partners elect to avoid closeness by going to their old patterns. Recovering couples need to recognize these patterns.

Here are some warning signs that old patterns are resurfacing:
  • Arguing repetitively
  • Falling into frequent periods of denial
  • Communicating non-productively
  • Suffering extreme over-extension or depletion
  • Making statements we do not really mean
  • Taking actions we regret
  • Fighting about issues that are not important
  • Stating “You always. . .” or “You never. . .”

We suggest listing your dysfunctional patterns. Make these lists together and pick a time to talk when you are both feeling balanced. You are now ready. Enjoy the process. See the humor.

Open up to healing in your coupleship. Always start by reading the Safety Guidelines aloud. Take your piece of paper and gather more information for your coupleship by answering the following questions:
  1. What are your dysfunctional patterns of relating?
  2. What are your dysfunctional patterns of communicating?
  3. What are your dysfunctional patterns of caretaking?
  4. What are your dysfunctional patterns of nurturing each other?
  5. What are your dysfunctional patterns of being sexual?
  6. What are your dysfunctional patterns of fighting?

If, as a couple, we don’t work on our relationship, similar issues will likely surface with subsequent partners. This means that we should practice couple recovery with our partner now. Our couple
issues in this relationship are probably the same as they were in previous relationships.

Step 5

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We admitted to God, to each other, and to another couple the exact nature of our wrongs.

Most of us choose to share our Fifth Step with a sponsoring couple or another couple who has been in the RCA program long enough to have worked the Twelve Steps. It is also important to share this inventory with a couple who seems to be living the program. This process of doing the Fifth Step is a vehicle to self-acceptance. This may be difficult because of shame. However, this is your opportunity to have shame transformed into humility.


We suggest you begin with a moment of silence and then the Serenity Prayer, followed by reading the Safety Guidelines. We encourage you to record your experiences in a journal and to get feedback from the sponsoring couple. We find sharing honestly and openly with other couples to be healing, because we realize our coupleship is accepted in spite of our dysfunctional behavior. Step Five frees us to begin anew.

(For information on sponsors and what to do if sponsors who have worked the Steps are not available, see the section on sponsorship in Chapter IV)

Step 4

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We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our relationship together as a couple.

We suggest you look at the impact of your individual behavior on the coupleship. First you may share your individual inventories. Next you can complete your coupleship inventory. The goal of these inventories is to gain awareness of the extent of our dysfunction. We all need to be fearless in our inventories. When a couple is able to face their reality honestly, they can grow in their love. Here are some questions that may help you in your individual inventory:

  1. Unfinished Business: In what ways have I failed to raise issues with my partner, letting those unresolved issues build resentments?
  2. Hyper-vigilance: In what ways have I looked for things to go wrong?
  3. Self-Responsibility: In what ways have I failed to take responsibility for my actions?
  4. Comfort and Feelings: In what ways have I not shared uncomfortable feelings with my partner?
  5. Accuracy and Honesty: In what ways have I placated my partner or avoided sharing my own perceptions?
  6. Connection: In what ways have I not been available to my partner? In what ways have I sought to connect?
  7. Stress: In what ways have my over-extension and stress affected my partner?
  8. Separateness: In what ways have I developed a separate life from my partner?
  9. Personal Needs: In what ways has my partner needed to guess or been expected to know my needs? Have I clearly asked for these needs to be met?
  10. Shaming and Blaming: In what ways have I sought to shame or blame my partner?
  11. Pain Thresholds: In what ways have I tolerated emotional pain that was unnecessary and caused distance from my partner?
  12. Choice Clarity: In what ways have I been unclear about my choices, leaving things undecided or up to my partner?
To complete your couple inventory, review together the following questions and record your answers on paper. Writing helps to organize your thoughts and beliefs. Please begin by reading aloud the
Safety Guidelines.

Please answer the following questions as a couple:
  1. In what ways have we let fears or resentments interfere with our coupleship? How has that affected our intimacy?
  2. In what ways have we created crises when there weren’t any?
  3. In what ways have we fought that never accomplished anything?
  4. In what ways have we neglected our coupleship?
  5. In what ways have we avoided being intimate?
  6. In what ways have we pretended our problems did not exist?
  7. In what ways have we isolated from couples and friends who could have supported our coupleship?
  8. In what ways have we allowed ourselves to become depleted, leaving nothing to give to each other?
  9. In what ways have we tolerated abuse?
  10. In what ways have we had losses (never having achieved financial goals, having children with problems, having a dysfunctional sexual relationship, etc.)?
  11. In what ways have we grieved these losses?
  12. In what ways have we treasured our partner and the coupleship? What are our strengths as a couple?
Having gained a better understanding in Step Four of how frequently our problems arose from within us rather than as a result of external hostile forces, many of us found it very freeing to reveal our
problems to another couple—often our sponsor couple. Although sharing our problems was often intimidating, the relief we felt was enormous when we found that we were accepted. While we may have believed that we were unique in our problems before taking Step Five, we often learned that the couple with whom we shared our inventory had experienced many of the same issues.

Step 3

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We made a decision to turn our wills and our life together over to the care of God as we understood God.

Together two people in a committed relationship form a coupleship, a oneness, a distinct and separate entity. This coupleship has a life of its own and needs to be nurtured. Couple recovery depends on this
nurturance. Each partner needs individual recovery such as meetings, sponsorship, support groups, spirituality, recreation, vocation, and individual interests. The coupleship needs these same elements for couple recovery.


Trust is a major issue for most couples, since almost all couples have had trust violated in the past. Just as Step Two focused on what we decided to trust together, Step Three focuses on how we decide to turn our coupleship over to our Higher Power.

Letting go of outcomes is especially helpful. Many of us feel compelled to control events, believing that our happiness depends on resolutions favorable to us, only to find disappointment when the
happiness we expect is only temporary or nonexistent. In spiritually centered coupleships, we simply do our best, while leaving the outcome to our Higher Power.

Some couples find “Higher Power Boxes” helpful to visualize relinquishing control. Couples write their relationship problems down and place them in the box, symbolically turning them over to their
Higher Power. Similarly, some couples make a ceremony of burning their problems or having the tide wash them away.

The practice of meditation and prayer, especially the Serenity Prayer, is the spiritual bulwark of most couples. Focusing on insight, courage, willingness, and acceptance seems to be the key to letting go.

Becoming more integrated in an RCA group is a vital part of any Third Step. Sharing our fears and stories at the group and sponsor level is an emotional letting go. It also allows us to relate to others, breaking our sense of isolation and uniqueness. Participation in a meeting can lead to a change in perspective and a return to sanity. “Letting go” also means “not going alone.” Many couples go on a “spiritual quest” as part of their Third Step. Spiritual quests vary widely, but could include the
following:
  • Starting each day with thanksgiving
  • Reading spiritually significant literature together
  • Meditating
  • Going to a house of worship or other spiritually significant place
  • Going to recovery groups
  • Praying
  • Going on a spiritual retreat together
These quests could take days, months, or even years. We hope that your own spiritual outlook as a couple will be deepened. We encourage you to write down a quest agreement. This could be in
longhand or printed suitable for framing and witnessed by friends or your sponsors. This is a truly warm, supportive, and validating experience for all involved. Additionally, we suggest that you chair an RCA Step meeting, and share your experience, strength, and hope with other couples.

Ultimately, Step Three involves turning our relationship over. Many of us find it important to do something significant, even formal, to celebrate our spiritual renewal, such as a re-dedication of couple vows in the presence of friends. This may occur anywhere: in a place of worship, at an informal gathering such as a picnic, or at home. We invite you to be creative and have a personally memorable event celebrating your increasing commitment to each other and to the relationship.

We recognize that we are on a spiritual path together. Placing our relationship in our Higher Power’s hands would mean the end of power struggles and seeking to control. We make a decision. We surrender. This is the spiritual principle upon which Step Three rests.

Step 2

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We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to commitment and intimacy.

In Step One we admitted we were powerless over our relationship. Step Two involves coming to some mutual understanding of what we trust as a couple, and what we believe. This is the beginning of a
spiritual quest. We seek to blend our traditions and to find meaning as a couple. We do this by first identifying our individual beliefs about a Higher Power. Once both partners have their own vision of a Higher Power, we can seek those aspects that are common to both of us; these become our couple’s Higher Power. Individuals within the coupleship may each have a separate vision of a Higher Power, but many couples believe there should be a goal of a mutual Higher Power shared by both partners.


One approach we find helpful is to cut sayings and pictures out of magazines that make us think of our Higher Power. We make collages to have a visual picture of our Higher Power. In making collages we share a deep, intimate look at our beliefs and feelings. As we share parts of ourselves, we may find a special connection. We find it helpful to frame and keep these collages accessible for our coupleship
and to share them with other couples. We are willing to accept our Higher Power and nurture our relationship with a sense of hope and freedom.

We also find writing Step Two a useful tool. We suggest you share one pencil and piece of paper as you do the Step. The following is a list of questions you may wish to consider to assist in your journey
of recovery. We suggest that you pause and read aloud the Safety Guidelines before moving forward:
  1. What family-of-origin messages about religion or spirituality have you brought into the coupleship?
  2. What kinds of instruction, modeling, teaching, etc. about religion or spirituality have you experienced?
  3. What forms of spiritual guidance have you received from your parents?
  4. Are there abuses or dysfunctional beliefs regarding couples you have learned from your religion?
  5. Are there healthy and supportive beliefs you have learned from your church, synagogue, or other spiritual path?
  6. Are there spiritual abuses you have experienced?
  7. Are there examples of one of your parents being the Higher Power in your family of origin?
  8. Are there examples of clergy or religious teachers being unkind, shaming, blaming, or belittling?
  9. Are you angry about religion, God, or your heritage?
  10. What do you accept or reject of the spiritual beliefs of your partner?
  11. Describe your vision of your Higher Power.
  12. What would it be like to have a relationship with this Higher Power?
Many of us made our partner our Higher Power. We focused on our partner and gave our partner the power to regulate our lives. Because of this, we found it necessary to find a spiritual connection
with a Higher Power, a center for our lives, rather than focusing on what others were doing. When we are spiritually centered, our partner’s actions do not bother us nearly as much as when we are not.
Additionally, it may be helpful to remember to HALT. When we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired we can lose touch with our spiritual center. We need to return to our spiritual center rather than fight with our partner.
Step Two allows us to believe that a Higher Power can restore us to commitment and intimacy. Step Three gives us an opportunity to develop a relationship with our Higher Power.

Step 1

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We admitted we were powerless over our relationship – that our lives together had become unmanageable.


Most of us have family-of-origin issues and all of us have a history. We may not have gotten what we needed emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually. When we were growing up there may have been abuse (physical, sexual, spiritual, or emotional), abandonment, or deprivation. We all bring “baggage” to the coupleship. The Steps teach us how to look at our baggage and how to reverse the process of blaming.


Each of us is responsible for the presence or absence of intimacy between us. As soon as each of us accepts responsibility, we are ready for Step One of RCA. Step One involves taking full responsibility for the health or disease of the relationship. Each person carries 100%.

Occasionally some couples might not be far enough along in their individual recovery (or not in recovery at all) to be able to answer the following questions, or they might get into fights or other
dysfunctional behavior simply by raising certain issues. In these cases, we encourage Step work be done only in the presence of a sponsoring couple.

Couples come into RCA at different stages. Step One involves understanding dysfunctional patterns. It also involves understanding family-of-origin issues, personality traits, and other individual issues that affect our current coupleship.

Writing is important for clarity and thoroughness. We suggest that you:
  1. Read aloud the “Safety Guidelines”.
  2. Take one pencil and one piece of paper and begin the process together. RCA is about the “we-ness” and “usness” of our relationship. In RCA, we open ourselves up to a new way of thinking and living in coupleship.
  3. Make couple decisions: Who will hold the pencil and do the writing? Are you able to share, negotiate, or compromise? Is there a power struggle? Are you ready to take the First Step?
  4. Divide the paper in half with a vertical line down the middle.
  5. Make lists of the coupleship issues over which you feel powerless.
  6. As an alternative, divide the duties of writing and dictating, or each write your own part.
We suggest you answer the following questions:
  1. What dysfunctional roles have you brought from your family of origin?
  2. What have your family-of-origin models taught you about relationships?
  3. If you have had experiences of abuse, how have those affected your ability to relate, to be intimate, and to be sexual?
  4. How do your individual addictions or dysfunctions affect your coupleship?
  5. What are recurring issues you never seem to resolve (e.g., how you spend money, how you spend your time together, parent, divide the household duties, celebrate the holidays, etc.)?
  6. How do these issues bring you to anger and what are your patterns of expressing anger?
  7. In what ways do you feel hopeless about your coupleship?
  8. In order to save your coupleship, what measures have you tried that haven’t seemed to work?
  9. How do you fight unfairly?
Understanding the powerlessness and unmanageability of your relationship is key. Remember, you are a beautiful and unique couple and you deserve recovery. Having surrendered thus far, you are ready to take Step Two.

RCA Trailblazers Business Meeting – December 25th 2022

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This business meeting was postponed until the business meeting on January 29th because there were no items on the agenda.

New Agenda topic for January: for the keeping of the time, to use the clock that is provided by Zoom. I’ve been going to a meeting where they do that. It is really nice to see the “clock” tick the seconds down. There are several different “clocks” available & much to my surprise, it is not distracting. 

Barton irw Rebecca

Trailblazers Minutes 12/31/2017

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Motion: PayPal account in the US be moved to Canada/Europe to not have issues of ownership for US/IRS. Voted: Unanimous to move ahead with transition. Details to be determined at a future date. Dave & Noni of Canada said they would help.

Secretary Couple Position – Oscar & Annie – out to prayer and sponsor couple to consider position. Debbie & Ruth stepped down as co-secretary couple.

Chris (irw Emma) announced now available to make changes on website.

Addendum: Treasures report was received – not available at meeting:

Amounts in USD

  Beginning Ending
Total balance *1,223.90 1,465.74

 

  Debit Credit
Donations   265.00
Payment fees -23.16  
Online payments 0  

Trailblazers Business Meeting 10/29/2017

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  1. Treasures report delayed – login issue – will be reported next week.
  2. Service positions:
    Co- secretary couple was announced.
    Welcome couple – ( Couple has it out to prayer!)
    Contact Couple – Mandy & Dwayne (previously called list couple)
  3. Decided to remove calendar couple – not being used

Trailblazers Business Meeting Minutes 8/27/17

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  1. Treasurers report for June 2017.
  2. New format to be tested? Like screen sharing! Also have script available on website to read or download. Secretary couple can assist leaders before or during meeting to help empower couples for service. They want to be trained!
    1. Action Item: Deb and Ruth will create a fun how-to video!
  3. Service positions: (Had a couple respond will select position!)
    1. Co-Secretary Couple (January)
    2. A US co-treasurer couple. (Open)
    3. Welcome Couple. (Open)
    4. Web-Keeper (Open)
  4. Action items to be done:
    1. Group conscience to create a downloadable pdf file for the Sunday script and email to contact list. Ruth will do
    2. Ruth will simplify website for position

 

For next month:

  1. Discuss purchasing a kindle version of RCA blue book for trailblazers.

Announcements

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Trailblazers and RCA Announcements

Here is the link for the Announcements Page: https://rcatrailblazers.org/blog/announcements/

 

RCA Trailblazers Service Rotation

There is a need for couples to fill Service positions: Welcome Couple as of February 23, 2025. Please consider giving service to your meeting.  For information about service position responsibilities, please go to https://rcatrailblazers.org/info/

 

Do you wish to strengthen your coupleship recovery?

 One of the proven ways to do so is to commit to a service position. Doing so will not only aid you in truly practicing step 12 and tradition 7 but offer an opportunity to apply unity within your coupleship and the RCA fellowship. You will connect with other couples in ways that would not otherwise be possible, you can have some fun and learn along the way. The time commitment can be anywhere from a few minutes to a couple of hours a week. Service is HOW we show our gratitude. Don’t know how: Loving guidance and mentorship is always available. Service can be fun, easy and the payoff beyond what you can imagine!

 

RCA Trailblazers Service Role Descriptions Ad Hoc Committee Meeting

This committee will be meeting on Sunday, May 4, 2025 at 5:30pm Central European Time to continue editing the service role descriptions for our group. All Trailblazer group members are invited to attend.

 

Printable Meeting Script

There have been changes made to our meeting script that are reflected in the Printable Meeting Scrip link on our website.  Please make sure if you are chairing that you are working from our most up to date script.

 

Around the World with RCA International Story Shares via ZOOM

The RCA International Story Shares Meeting takes place every first Saturday of the month (except the month of August during the annual RCA convention).  Couples who are interested in sharing their stories are encouraged to contact Sam and Veronica.  For information about RCA International Story shares, please visit:

https://recovering-couples.org/event/201801101-rca-international-story-share

 

2025 Annual RCA Convention and Annual Business Meeting

Convention Theme:  The Texas Twelve-Step

Saturday, Sept 27, 2025 to Sunday, Sept 28, 2025

Drury Plaza Hotel San Antonio Riverwalk

The cost is $325 per couple ($350 after Sept 1). Included is Saturday Lunch and Dinner. Breakfast and a light dinner are provided by the hotel for registered guests.

For more details (including a schedule of events and hotel information) and to register, go to:

https://recovering-couples.org/rca-2025-annual-business-meeting-convention-page/

If you are interested in facilitating a workshop, please contact our Program Chair, Mary H. at marynaplesbb417@gmail.com or text/call 941-444-9930

For more information email to:  2025.convention@rca-wso.org

The RCA Annual Business Meeting will be held prior the convention on Friday, September 26, 2025 at 9am. Consult the webpage for their schedule of activities.

 

RCA Fellowship Committees

Most of the work for the RCA Fellowship is done in committees.  Serving on a committee can be done as a couple or as an individual and can take as little as one hour a month.  A description of committee responsibilities and contact information can be found here: RCA website under the Member/Tools tab. 

(Committees available: Concepts and Traditions (Ethics), Communications, Conventions, Executive, Finance, Growing the Fellowship, Literature, Merchandise, Outreach, Recruitment, Seventh Tradition, Structure, Technology/Website, Trademark & Copyright, Translation)

 

Future RCA Annual Conventions

The RCA Annual Convention Committee is looking for places to hold the next few conventions and would be very interested in doing one in Europe.  If anyone is interested in discussing an international convention and how to get started, please contact Vicki at the following email address:  annual.convention.chair@rca-wso.info.

 

Sponsorship Opportunities

Having trouble finding sponsors in RCA?  Are you willing to sponsor new couples?  Are you willing to take calls from new couples just starting out in RCA?  Please send an email to sponsorship@rca-wso.info and let us know if you need, or wish to sponsor.  You will be matched up with available couples. 
*This is a WSO service, not organized by the Trailblazers.

 

Venice Retreat October 17th-19th, 2025 in Venice Italy

This retreat is a bilingual event (English / Italian) with the theme “The Journey to Coupleship Recovery.”  There is limited space available. Please register through this email address: venice-retreat@recovering-couples.de.  A flyer for the retreat is here.

 

RCA Europe Meeting

The RCA Europe group meets every Thursday from 7:30 to 8:45 p.m. Central European Time, which is 1:30 p.m. Eastern Time. You are invited to support this meeting with your attendance.

More meeting info here at this link.

Tradition 12

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Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

In RCA, as in all other 12-Step programs, the concept of personal anonymity appears as a multi-layered protection. At its most basic level, being anonymous protects us from public disclosure of our addictions and other dysfunctions. Doubtless, it was in this sense that the concept was first used in 12-Step programs. However, as the concept became a fixture of 12-Step culture, it came to be understood as having more far reaching benefits. Simply put, we tend to relapse or otherwise act out in ways that could bring the organization of RCA into disrepute. By remaining anonymous, we protect RCA from our public personal failures.

Still more important are the implications of anonymity on ourselves. No matter who we may be in the outside world, in the rooms of RCA, we are just another couple trying to heal our coupleship. Anonymity tends to focus us away from the I, and towards the We–away from personalities and towards principles–away from egotism and towards a true humility.

Anonymity is a simple concept. It doesnt preach, but leads us gently by example. We all need healing. And as we reveal ourselves to one another in these rooms, we come to understand that it is less the I than the Coupleship that is important. And the more we understand our commonality instead of our distinctiveness, the more we heal.

Thus, we of Recovering Couples Anonymous believe that the principle of anonymity has particular spiritual significance. It reminds us that we are to place principles before personalities; and that as we actually practice a genuine humility, we heal. Moved by the spirit of anonymity, we give up desire for personal distinction as members of RCA and before the general public. We believe that each of us is responsible to take part in the protection and preservation of RCA as a whole in order to grow and work in unity.

Tradition 11

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Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than on promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, films, and other media.

Tradition Eleven is our guide whenever there is an opportunity to be public. We are reminded to preserve our anonymity emphasizing that it is RCA that is important–not the individual

Public relations is on-going in the program, For example, when we desire to “carry the message,” we may provide information or locations of meetings, using only the first names of the group contact couples. We may also leave RCA information on bulletin boards or at treatment centers to let other couples know there is hope for intimacy in their coupleships through a Twelve Step program. We also maintain RCA websites where interested people may find information about couple recovery. We feel that providing this information to the inquiring public without emphasizing end results is attraction, rather than promotion.

Our RCA public relations policy not only means providing information to the public but reaching out couple to couple. When couples in RCA practice their recovery and live in the solution, they become more healthy and attractive. This in itself can elicit an attraction to the program from people who have seen a couple struggle, and now see them with a sense of serenity and spirituality.

Tradition 10

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 Recovering Couples Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues: hence the RCA name ought never to be drawn into public controversy.

An RCA group should not express any opinion on outside issues, nor should couples, if they are speaking for RCA. The Recovering Couples Anonymous groups neither endorse nor oppose other organizations or their causes, particularly those concerned with controversies, politics, addiction reform, sectarian religion, or particular therapy programs. RCA couples come from all walks of life and hold diverse opinions; little binds us together except our primary purpose—to carry RCAs message to recovering couples who still suffer. If we focus on other issues, either inside or outside the group meeting, we run the risk of alienating other RCA couples or other allies in recovery and possibly shattering the fellowship.

Tradition 9

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RCA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

RCA, like AA, is a fellowship where the power resides in the fellowship, and not the officials. The officials are just trusted servants. Some of the positions may be called secretary, chair, vice-chair, trustee, facilitator, treasurer, literature person, sponsor, or group contact couple. These positions should rotate on a regular basis so that all couples involved have a chance to share responsibility. No couple directs and no couple controls the other couples.

The spirit of RCA is service. All couples are invited to volunteer their services. All local groups are encouraged to have group contact couples who facilitate communication between the groups and the board of trustees. Our WSO Board of Trustees is directly responsible to the fellowship of RCA. The WSO office is directly responsible to the WSO Board of Trustees, providing literature and information to the fellowship as well as the general public. “Hand in Hand”  is the official publication of RCA and is generally issued quarterly.

Tradition 8

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Recovering Couples Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

Tradition Eight provides guidance for our trusted servants as well as to RCA members who may be in the helping professions, such as counselors, therapists, clergy, physicians, social workers, and other professionals. Sharing at meetings should be about personal couple recovery. No one should participate in a professional capacity or as a therapist. We help each other as equals. Our work with others is done to further our own spiritual growth – not for money or from any position of superiority. RCA committee and subcommittee work is unpaid 12-Step service work.

Service workers may be contracted to do work in our service centers. These paid service positions are not limited to those in the RCA fellowship as they normally do not involve 12-Step work. 12-Step work should never be compensated.