Our common welfare should come first; couple recovery depends upon RCA unity.

As a fellowship we have seen that by working the Twelve Steps of the RCA program, our coupleships have grown in commitment and intimacy. The Twelve Traditions provide guidance and direction for the RCA fellowship. In order for the fellowship to flourish, the Twelve Traditions need to be understood and applied.

The Traditions are the glue and backbone of RCA itself. These Twelve Traditions come to us from the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and were adapted to the needs of our fellowship. We follow the Traditions to ensure the RCA fellowship will always be available for those couples who are recovering from addictions or dysfunctional behaviors that have affected their coupleships.

Many of us have found that doing service has helped to speed our healing process. We have a new sense of belonging when we learn to not isolate and to work with other couples.

Before recovery, many of us thought our own personal approach was the only correct one. However, we learned in our RCA groups to listen to our partner as well as other couples. We learned from other couples that partners have differing opinions and viewpoints. We became able to listen without judgment. We learned to share time with each other and not monopolize the group with “oh, ain’t it awful” stories. In our meetings, we learned to stay focused on the meeting topics. We learned to follow our Safety Guidelines and our group conscience process. Learning to respect the needs of the group taught us to respect the needs of our coupleship.

In addition to our own recovery, we have a responsibility to express ourselves to promote group unity. We have experience, strength and hope in our coupleships to share. We have histories that need to be heard which show we are not unique. As couples, we sometimes share just by listening and being present to hear other couples stories. However, if we consistently remain silent, it inhibits group unity.

Making newcomers feel welcome promotes RCA growth and unity. Some of the ways we have found helpful in making newcomers welcome are:

• providing temporary sponsors,
• giving out newcomer chips,
• sharing how RCA has been helpful to us,
• handing out newcomer packets with phone numbers of active members.
• And of course, chatting informally with newcomers before and after the meeting.

For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority –  a loving God as known in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

Locally, we have service or leadership positions such as secretaries or chairs, treasurers, group contact couples, or delegate couples. Nationally and internationally we may see people serving on the Board of Trustees of the World Service Organization, or on its committees.

Those are individuals and couples who are willing to devote time, work and dedication to the RCA Fellowship. These RCA members serve and direct our fellowship by following our group conscience. The positions do not give authority beyond the consent of the fellowship. Ultimate RCA authority is from the bottom up, not the top down.

Rotation of officers gives equal opportunity for service, and restricts dominance by any individual or couple. This rotation emphasizes group conscience rather the control by any individual. Following this Tradition emphasizes equality among all members, teaching us that equality is the cornerstone of our coupleships.

Even when there is difficulty in finding someone to take a leadership position, it is important not to allow an individual or couple to continue doing the work indefinitely simply because they are willing to do so. People who remain in leadership positions too long can begin to feel they’re indispensable, or conversely, feel put upon or used. Therefore, we search for and encourage couples and members to volunteer for positions. Service helps a couple experience growth in their coupleship.

The Second Tradition reminds us not to assume authority over a sponsee couple. Our purpose is not to give advice or impose a decision. Sponsor couples agree to share their own experience, strength and hope. They are fair witnesses helping sponsee couples see their own processes as well as providing a safe space to work on their issues and options.

Longtime RCA couples may be helpful in starting new groups. Their role should be to guide the development and structure of the meetings, but then encourage other couples to assume the leadership roles as they gain program knowledge and experience.

The group conscience is what governs the group, and we arrive at this conscience, by open discussion. We set limits on holding office. We share the workload. This Tradition protects and safeguards all of us and our group. When this tradition is followed a state of humility exists because the source of authority is our Higher Power.

The only requirement for RCA membership is a desire to remain in a committed relationship.

Tradition Three tells us who are eligible to be members of RCA. We are couples committed to restoring healthy communication, caring, and greater intimacy to our coupleships. We suffer from addictions, co-addictions, or other dysfunctions; some of these identified and some not, some treated and some not. We also come from many levels of brokenness. Many of us have been separated or near divorce. Some of us are new in our coupleships and seek to build intimacy as we grow together as couples. We may refuse no couple who wishes to recover.

Ultimately, we feel it is important for both partners to be involved in individual recovery for real progress to be made in our coupleships. However, individual recovery is not a requirement to get started in couple recovery. RCA is a safe place to begin the healing process, and it offers support for continued individual work.

Any two or more couples gathered together for restoring the commitment, communication and caring to their relationship may call themselves an RCA group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.

Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to recovering couples who still suffer.

Tradition Five suggests that we will best be able to help other couples who are still suffering when we first help ourselves practice the Twelve Steps. The Twelve Steps give us the guidance we need to:

• share our own experience, strength and hope with other couples,
• give comfort to other couples, and
• listen to other couples.

Each Recovering Couples Anonymous group ought to be a spiritual entity having but one primary purpose – that of carrying its message of intimacy and commitment to couples who still suffer.

Many couples come to RCA not knowing if they belong. Some may not even be aware that anything is wrong with their coupleship. In RCA we have the “Characteristics of Dysfunctional Couples,” which is a list to help couples identify problem areas in their coupleships. Couples do not have to relate to all of these to admit their coupleships are suffering or to seek help or guidance. The identification of such characteristics serves to let us know that “we are not alone” in our struggle to find intimacy.

RCA believes that a coupleship is like an infant, needing constant nurturing and care from both partners. It is important that each partner accepts responsibility for the problems or progress of the coupleship, and that each recognizes individual recovery as an important factor for couple recovery. In RCA we think of coupleship as being represented by a three-legged stool: our individual recovery, our partner’s recovery, and our coupleship recovery are all important “legs” to the serenity, stability, and intimacy we seek.

When we welcome newcomer couples to our fellowship, we share our experience, strength and hope. We offer spiritual support and the opportunity to connect with other couples, typically through sponsorship, meetings, and RCA social events. We provide RCA-approved literature, the Blue Book, the newcomer brochure, and where possible a listing of meetings in the area and local phone numbers. Tradition Five reflects that in order to “get the program,” we must “give it away!”