We made a decision to turn our wills and our life together over to the care of God as we understood God.

Together two people in a committed relationship form a coupleship, a oneness, a distinct and separate entity. This coupleship has a life of its own and needs to be nurtured. Couple recovery depends on this
nurturance. Each partner needs individual recovery such as meetings, sponsorship, support groups, spirituality, recreation, vocation, and individual interests. The coupleship needs these same elements for couple recovery.


Trust is a major issue for most couples, since almost all couples have had trust violated in the past. Just as Step Two focused on what we decided to trust together, Step Three focuses on how we decide to turn our coupleship over to our Higher Power.

Letting go of outcomes is especially helpful. Many of us feel compelled to control events, believing that our happiness depends on resolutions favorable to us, only to find disappointment when the
happiness we expect is only temporary or nonexistent. In spiritually centered coupleships, we simply do our best, while leaving the outcome to our Higher Power.

Some couples find “Higher Power Boxes” helpful to visualize relinquishing control. Couples write their relationship problems down and place them in the box, symbolically turning them over to their
Higher Power. Similarly, some couples make a ceremony of burning their problems or having the tide wash them away.

The practice of meditation and prayer, especially the Serenity Prayer, is the spiritual bulwark of most couples. Focusing on insight, courage, willingness, and acceptance seems to be the key to letting go.

Becoming more integrated in an RCA group is a vital part of any Third Step. Sharing our fears and stories at the group and sponsor level is an emotional letting go. It also allows us to relate to others, breaking our sense of isolation and uniqueness. Participation in a meeting can lead to a change in perspective and a return to sanity. “Letting go” also means “not going alone.” Many couples go on a “spiritual quest” as part of their Third Step. Spiritual quests vary widely, but could include the
following:
  • Starting each day with thanksgiving
  • Reading spiritually significant literature together
  • Meditating
  • Going to a house of worship or other spiritually significant place
  • Going to recovery groups
  • Praying
  • Going on a spiritual retreat together
These quests could take days, months, or even years. We hope that your own spiritual outlook as a couple will be deepened. We encourage you to write down a quest agreement. This could be in
longhand or printed suitable for framing and witnessed by friends or your sponsors. This is a truly warm, supportive, and validating experience for all involved. Additionally, we suggest that you chair an RCA Step meeting, and share your experience, strength, and hope with other couples.

Ultimately, Step Three involves turning our relationship over. Many of us find it important to do something significant, even formal, to celebrate our spiritual renewal, such as a re-dedication of couple vows in the presence of friends. This may occur anywhere: in a place of worship, at an informal gathering such as a picnic, or at home. We invite you to be creative and have a personally memorable event celebrating your increasing commitment to each other and to the relationship.

We recognize that we are on a spiritual path together. Placing our relationship in our Higher Power’s hands would mean the end of power struggles and seeking to control. We make a decision. We surrender. This is the spiritual principle upon which Step Three rests.
We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to commitment and intimacy.

In Step One we admitted we were powerless over our relationship. Step Two involves coming to some mutual understanding of what we trust as a couple, and what we believe. This is the beginning of a
spiritual quest. We seek to blend our traditions and to find meaning as a couple. We do this by first identifying our individual beliefs about a Higher Power. Once both partners have their own vision of a Higher Power, we can seek those aspects that are common to both of us; these become our couple’s Higher Power. Individuals within the coupleship may each have a separate vision of a Higher Power, but many couples believe there should be a goal of a mutual Higher Power shared by both partners.


One approach we find helpful is to cut sayings and pictures out of magazines that make us think of our Higher Power. We make collages to have a visual picture of our Higher Power. In making collages we share a deep, intimate look at our beliefs and feelings. As we share parts of ourselves, we may find a special connection. We find it helpful to frame and keep these collages accessible for our coupleship
and to share them with other couples. We are willing to accept our Higher Power and nurture our relationship with a sense of hope and freedom.

We also find writing Step Two a useful tool. We suggest you share one pencil and piece of paper as you do the Step. The following is a list of questions you may wish to consider to assist in your journey
of recovery. We suggest that you pause and read aloud the Safety Guidelines before moving forward:
  1. What family-of-origin messages about religion or spirituality have you brought into the coupleship?
  2. What kinds of instruction, modeling, teaching, etc. about religion or spirituality have you experienced?
  3. What forms of spiritual guidance have you received from your parents?
  4. Are there abuses or dysfunctional beliefs regarding couples you have learned from your religion?
  5. Are there healthy and supportive beliefs you have learned from your church, synagogue, or other spiritual path?
  6. Are there spiritual abuses you have experienced?
  7. Are there examples of one of your parents being the Higher Power in your family of origin?
  8. Are there examples of clergy or religious teachers being unkind, shaming, blaming, or belittling?
  9. Are you angry about religion, God, or your heritage?
  10. What do you accept or reject of the spiritual beliefs of your partner?
  11. Describe your vision of your Higher Power.
  12. What would it be like to have a relationship with this Higher Power?
Many of us made our partner our Higher Power. We focused on our partner and gave our partner the power to regulate our lives. Because of this, we found it necessary to find a spiritual connection
with a Higher Power, a center for our lives, rather than focusing on what others were doing. When we are spiritually centered, our partner’s actions do not bother us nearly as much as when we are not.
Additionally, it may be helpful to remember to HALT. When we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired we can lose touch with our spiritual center. We need to return to our spiritual center rather than fight with our partner.
Step Two allows us to believe that a Higher Power can restore us to commitment and intimacy. Step Three gives us an opportunity to develop a relationship with our Higher Power.
We admitted we were powerless over our relationship – that our lives together had become unmanageable.


Most of us have family-of-origin issues and all of us have a history. We may not have gotten what we needed emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually. When we were growing up there may have been abuse (physical, sexual, spiritual, or emotional), abandonment, or deprivation. We all bring “baggage” to the coupleship. The Steps teach us how to look at our baggage and how to reverse the process of blaming.


Each of us is responsible for the presence or absence of intimacy between us. As soon as each of us accepts responsibility, we are ready for Step One of RCA. Step One involves taking full responsibility for the health or disease of the relationship. Each person carries 100%.

Occasionally some couples might not be far enough along in their individual recovery (or not in recovery at all) to be able to answer the following questions, or they might get into fights or other
dysfunctional behavior simply by raising certain issues. In these cases, we encourage Step work be done only in the presence of a sponsoring couple.

Couples come into RCA at different stages. Step One involves understanding dysfunctional patterns. It also involves understanding family-of-origin issues, personality traits, and other individual issues that affect our current coupleship.

Writing is important for clarity and thoroughness. We suggest that you:
  1. Read aloud the “Safety Guidelines”.
  2. Take one pencil and one piece of paper and begin the process together. RCA is about the “we-ness” and “usness” of our relationship. In RCA, we open ourselves up to a new way of thinking and living in coupleship.
  3. Make couple decisions: Who will hold the pencil and do the writing? Are you able to share, negotiate, or compromise? Is there a power struggle? Are you ready to take the First Step?
  4. Divide the paper in half with a vertical line down the middle.
  5. Make lists of the coupleship issues over which you feel powerless.
  6. As an alternative, divide the duties of writing and dictating, or each write your own part.
We suggest you answer the following questions:
  1. What dysfunctional roles have you brought from your family of origin?
  2. What have your family-of-origin models taught you about relationships?
  3. If you have had experiences of abuse, how have those affected your ability to relate, to be intimate, and to be sexual?
  4. How do your individual addictions or dysfunctions affect your coupleship?
  5. What are recurring issues you never seem to resolve (e.g., how you spend money, how you spend your time together, parent, divide the household duties, celebrate the holidays, etc.)?
  6. How do these issues bring you to anger and what are your patterns of expressing anger?
  7. In what ways do you feel hopeless about your coupleship?
  8. In order to save your coupleship, what measures have you tried that haven’t seemed to work?
  9. How do you fight unfairly?
Understanding the powerlessness and unmanageability of your relationship is key. Remember, you are a beautiful and unique couple and you deserve recovery. Having surrendered thus far, you are ready to take Step Two.

This business meeting was postponed until the business meeting on January 29th because there were no items on the agenda.

New Agenda topic for January: for the keeping of the time, to use the clock that is provided by Zoom. I’ve been going to a meeting where they do that. It is really nice to see the “clock” tick the seconds down. There are several different “clocks” available & much to my surprise, it is not distracting. 

Barton irw Rebecca

Motion: PayPal account in the US be moved to Canada/Europe to not have issues of ownership for US/IRS. Voted: Unanimous to move ahead with transition. Details to be determined at a future date. Dave & Noni of Canada said they would help.

Secretary Couple Position – Oscar & Annie – out to prayer and sponsor couple to consider position. Debbie & Ruth stepped down as co-secretary couple.

Chris (irw Emma) announced now available to make changes on website.

Addendum: Treasures report was received – not available at meeting:

Amounts in USD

  Beginning Ending
Total balance *1,223.90 1,465.74

 

  Debit Credit
Donations   265.00
Payment fees -23.16  
Online payments 0  
  1. Treasures report delayed – login issue – will be reported next week.
  2. Service positions:
    Co- secretary couple was announced.
    Welcome couple – ( Couple has it out to prayer!)
    Contact Couple – Mandy & Dwayne (previously called list couple)
  3. Decided to remove calendar couple – not being used

  1. Treasurers report for June 2017.
  2. New format to be tested? Like screen sharing! Also have script available on website to read or download. Secretary couple can assist leaders before or during meeting to help empower couples for service. They want to be trained!
    1. Action Item: Deb and Ruth will create a fun how-to video!
  3. Service positions: (Had a couple respond will select position!)
    1. Co-Secretary Couple (January)
    2. A US co-treasurer couple. (Open)
    3. Welcome Couple. (Open)
    4. Web-Keeper (Open)
  4. Action items to be done:
    1. Group conscience to create a downloadable pdf file for the Sunday script and email to contact list. Ruth will do
    2. Ruth will simplify website for position

 

For next month:

  1. Discuss purchasing a kindle version of RCA blue book for trailblazers.
Trailblazers and RCA Announcements

Here is the link for the Announcements Page: http://rcatrailblazers.org/blog/announcements/

 

RCA Trailblazers Service Rotation

There is a need for couples to fill Service positions: Co-secretary Couple as of April 2025. Treasurer Couple as of April 2025. Please consider giving service to your meeting.  For information about service position responsibilities, please go to http://rcatrailblazers.org/info/

 

Around the World with RCA International Story Shares via ZOOM

The RCA International Story Shares Meeting takes place every first Saturday of the month (except the month of August during the annual RCA convention).  Couples who are interested in sharing their stories are encouraged to contact Sam and Veronica.  For information about RCA International Story shares, please visit:

https://recovering-couples.org/event/201801101-rca-international-story-share

 

RCA Fellowship Committees

Most of the work for the RCA Fellowship is done in committees.  Serving on a committee can be done as a couple or as an individual and can take as little as one hour a month.  A description of committee responsibilities and contact information can be found here: RCA website under the Member/Tools tab

(Committees available: Concepts and Traditions (Ethics), Communications, Conventions, Executive, Finance, Growing the Fellowship, Literature, Merchandise, Outreach, Recruitment, Seventh Tradition, Structure, Technology/Website, Trademark & Copyright, Translation)

 

Upcoming RCA Annual Conventions

The RCA Annual Convention Committee is looking for place to hold the next few conventions and would be very interested in doing one in Europe.  If anyone is interested in discussing an international convention and how to get started, please contact Vicki at the following email address:  annual.convention.chair@rca-wso.info.

 

Sponsorship Opportunities

Having trouble finding sponsors in RCA?  Are you willing to sponsor new couples?  Are you willing to take calls from new couples just starting out in RCA?  Please send an email to sponsorship@rca-wso.info and let us know if you need, or wish to sponsor.  You will be matched up with available couples.

 

Venice Retreat October 17th-19th, 2025 in Venice Italy

This retreat is a bilingual event (English / Italian) with the theme “The Journey to Coupleship Recovery.”  There is limited space available. Please register through this email address: venice-retreat@recovering-couples.de.  A flyer for the retreat is here.

 

Friday Night UK RCA Zoom Meeting

The Friday Night UK RCA Zoom Meeting meets on Zoom on Fridays at 8:00 pm, UK time which is 3:00 pm Eastern Time.  You will find more meeting and connection information at this link to the RCA WSO Meeting web pages.

 

RCA Europe Meeting

The RCA Europe group meets every Thursday from 7:30 to 8:45 p.m. Central European Time, which is 1:30 p.m. Eastern Time. You are invited to support this meeting with your attendance.

More meeting info here at this link.

 

 

 

Our common welfare should come first; couple recovery depends upon RCA unity.

As a fellowship we have seen that by working the Twelve Steps of the RCA program, our coupleships have grown in commitment and intimacy. The Twelve Traditions provide guidance and direction for the RCA fellowship. In order for the fellowship to flourish, the Twelve Traditions need to be understood and applied.

The Traditions are the glue and backbone of RCA itself. These Twelve Traditions come to us from the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and were adapted to the needs of our fellowship. We follow the Traditions to ensure the RCA fellowship will always be available for those couples who are recovering from addictions or dysfunctional behaviors that have affected their coupleships.

Many of us have found that doing service has helped to speed our healing process. We have a new sense of belonging when we learn to not isolate and to work with other couples.

Before recovery, many of us thought our own personal approach was the only correct one. However, we learned in our RCA groups to listen to our partner as well as other couples. We learned from other couples that partners have differing opinions and viewpoints. We became able to listen without judgment. We learned to share time with each other and not monopolize the group with “oh, ain’t it awful” stories. In our meetings, we learned to stay focused on the meeting topics. We learned to follow our Safety Guidelines and our group conscience process. Learning to respect the needs of the group taught us to respect the needs of our coupleship.

In addition to our own recovery, we have a responsibility to express ourselves to promote group unity. We have experience, strength and hope in our coupleships to share. We have histories that need to be heard which show we are not unique. As couples, we sometimes share just by listening and being present to hear other couples stories. However, if we consistently remain silent, it inhibits group unity.

Making newcomers feel welcome promotes RCA growth and unity. Some of the ways we have found helpful in making newcomers welcome are:

  • providing temporary sponsors,
  • giving out newcomer chips,
  • sharing how RCA has been helpful to us,
  • handing out newcomer packets with phone numbers of active members.
  • And of course, chatting informally with newcomers before and after the meeting.